I have every characteristic from being an underachiever to timid. But, now I am older and see the world different. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. Both my parents never had caring conversations either, and didnt care if I need help, didnt care about my feelings or thoughts. quick info, i am autistic and i cannot work under pressure. Oldest children in large/very large families are abused & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence. We want to hear from you! I'm so depressed right now. Poor city, doctors flee from here. Pretty damn poor family. I believe I have come to the point of not feeling like I belong and dare I say hopeless, somehow I find consolation that others have gone through this too, I wish you all the best and we will make it out of this time together! Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 15, 2018: Seek counselling either by talking to a close friend, relative, or a psychologist. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 20, 2018: Are you the oldest of a large/very large family? Meantime, I performed exceptionally at primary school, but my mother said it was only because I had dumb kids in my year. scars on my Back ! In these parents' purview, their children are incapable of doing anything for themselves. Question: If you know that your father was from a family of people who homicidally hounded family members to suicide by crushing their self-esteem, is it normal to continue hating such a person until old age? Why the hell would I ever want to do this to someone else, over two decades later it can still make me sick to my stomach recalling what she did to me. Give them help if they need it and don't put undue pressure on them to get good grades at all costs. Being an overbearing parent leads to pushback from the child and is not worth it in the long run. I have anxiety about so many things, and i wish I could just have a more positive life.. My mom pushes me to do too much work. Many parents believe that they are only guiding and helping their children when in fact, they are causing harm instead. Say so. I know where I've come from, what I've endured and experienced, and I've let others know about my life experience too; so if I go, people at least will know. What do I do? Kids are sadistic with one another. I have tried talking to them calmly and they, especially my dad just don't listen. i got to grow up way faster that anyone, i didn't really experience being a child and as for putting people over family, for the longest of time I've felt like i didn't have a family. Parents often believe it's their responsibility to motivate their kids to care about their grades. I'm just about to turn 35, I have no wife and I have no children. The first therapist was more faith/spirit minded. its just too much, i cant go on living like this and i get frequent suicidal thoughts. Family consists of people who LOVE & RESPECT each other. I wasn't able to have a childhood after, I believe i had a third sibling? This content is accurate and true to the best of the authors knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional. Childhood is a time to freely explore, try on different personas, and fall on your face. These are the books we're crushing on this winter, 6 valuable lessons we learned from the Frog and Toad books, The difference between young adult and new adultand why it matters, Your step-by-step schedule for the ultimate New Year's Eve, 5 holiday dessert recipes you need to start making every year, 5 things to consider in your college search, Affordable birthday gifts your bestie will love, How to *actually* get stuff done when you're tired. Imagine a league of kids with low self confidence. There are parents who do not believe in praising because they believe that it softens and spoils kids and will make them conceited and think too highly of themselves. (My parents make me feel dumb.). They are abusive & toxic. He's Spanish and Mexican. Often, the comparison does the opposite. They often view their children's physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed and may denigrate their children in order to make them shape up. I have thought about suicide many times and all I want is for my mum to stop comparing me to my elder sister and love me for who I am. im in high school, i have all a's and one b. they act like its the end of the fucking world whenever i get anything less than a 100%, and i cant stand it anymore. But for me I can't keep up with that and my average is an 85% which is not the best. I strongly agree with all except the last one. Putting money into savings for acting school or classes. However, it does quite the opposite, and many such children feel worthless. Does she think we're stupid and don't know anything!" Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 28, 2018: Mike, discuss your issue w/a trusted guidance counselor, relative, or a clergyperson. I cried as I was scrolling through this article. Each day, I'm taking small steps in battling my own emotions and to constantly remind myself to live life to the fullest. They want their kids to be perfect because perfection = success. How can I explain them that we are modern teenagers that want to have fun! I just want to be a truck driver, which I now am and I love it. I have terrible times at school and I have no friends to be there for me. Thank you for your constant support and engagement! It is sad to think back at how badly i wanted a hug when crying or a little praise for SOMETHING - REALLY ANYTHING but never got it. i dont like the consequecenes. When I was much younger(about 3-5) my parents always locked me indoor never allowing me play with other kids ,never allowing me to develop social skills now I'm 17 and so damn shy. Its the only thing that excites me or gives me drive. Truth. When i showed them my grades mom was like "meh.. You were always that good" but dad was proud of me. Doing this will allow the child to develop competence and a positive sense of self. No it wasn't 0, it was worth 1/2pt! I literally cry when I see ppl who aren't better than me sing and claim they are but I can't talk back because I've never sang and I'm shy. Don't blame them. I also have PTSD if that is no surprise. I am ok looking. Children of overprotective parents don't develop the skills to succeed in life. Im sick and tired. A PROFESSIONAL Voice Actor will reco. Everything I wear, the way I look (hereditary), my choice of friends, my interests and hobbies are just wrong according to her and deserving of condemnation. No one to turn to. I'm 34 and have literally just developed a sense of real control over my thoughts and feelings, to help guide myself from this point onwards. His friends would be out in the yard drinking beer with him I knew I should not be in earshot cuz that's man talk not for a lil girls ears so I was to be with my mother wherever she went and I was emotionally neglected. That would have made me confident, today! So if a young one dares to have a unique, creative, and innovative thought or idea, it is squashed and often labeled as outlandish and weird because nobody else thought of it! Many parents base all their expectations on the grade point average of a child. Help the child develop a winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see what happens. That is how I feel but I am shy to talk about it. Never picking the right man? But of course my older sister and my mum constantly shout at me saying that i am going to fail all my exams, that i am hopeless and a disgrace. Anyone raised by authoritarians like this becomes timid and submissive. It is best for you to disassociate from him & his family. every single conversation turns into grades somehow, and that isn't even an exaggeration. I did an IQ test at 17, and was told my IQ was 158. Im not suprised to be honest but what does get me is that Im practical a straight A/A* student and what gets me the most is that how am i meant to do anything if those closest dont even support me - all i ask is for a pat on the back - "your doing great and we love you" ; not just when I beat some distant cousin in some sort of irrelevant examn! and now they keep asking why i hate them so much,AND how the bible said to care about your parent,your parent is the number one.. um what about the children?nope bible didn't say anything about that for them.. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 17, 2018: Talk to a trusted relative regarding your situation. One thing for sure, Determination and Perseverance never fail you! God forbid that they should make mistakes. Question: What should I do when my mother prevents me from doing things I want? I am happy with where I am at. I'm gonna turn 30 in a few years, and my relationship with my parents has continued like this for what feels like an eternity. What should I do to improve my relationship with my mother? She really really wanted an extremely smart kid. Support the choices they make and the lifestyles they want to live. It is extremely saddening that parents always think that they are doing the right things from 1-10 and are ignorant of the psychological effects that will forever imprint on the child future and well being. There are either low cost or free counselling services. I have some gear so ill start practicing without rest. Fortunately I have a wonderful mother (who is also criticized by my dad all the time). This all rings so true. Family Troubles-Parents Divorced, Low Grades, Feeling Alone? Reinforce positive behavior and lift your child up when they do something well. But I keep thinking back to both experiences and both they make me smile. If you want to get notified by every reply to your post, please register. Don't do it!Don't listen to those thoughts. Each child is unique. This man & his family are toxic. I dont get complimented on my looks as much in my family or life as my sister and everyone else in my family does. So fuck it, lol. Having said that this type of upbringing not only affected on me but on my siblings as well, it resulted in us constantly questioning our own capability. Many parents staunchly believe in blind and mindless conformity. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. over a year ago. He exemplifies the immature parent. Many parents want their kids to be as physically and emotionally flawless as possible. Your father wants you to be subordinate to him in order to elevate his low self-esteem. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 02, 2018: Your parents shouldn't ground you but get you academic assistance until your grade improves. I have never been allowed to go out and have fun with my friends and I am 14. Just because a child does not have the same characteristics as their parents does not mean they are a failure that needs correcting. He must have picked up on the feeling that I didn't belong. 2 Andrew Weill three grown children at least Author has 24.8K answers and 188.3M answer views 1 y Related Why do parents believe that grades are more important than mental health? 1 Pray please pray to God in the name of Jesus because He has a purpose for you and your life. I was pushed into gifted programs in school. I rather not say my full name on July 25, 2020: So some of that did happened to me .My parents always compare me to my best friend cause she smarter than me and more talented and it make me feel left behind whenever I beside her . Though I did live in a brand new house custom built. How should I react here? Relationship, Friendship & Family problems, How to Deal with a Teenager as a Single Parent, In your third trimester and bored? My mother never was used to hugs or praising. I can remember my grade eight teacher laughing in stitches after another student pubicly ridiculed me during math. She wanted an education but they saw her merely as a means of supplementing their income. (She's 92 and can't live for much longer). Making mistakes is an integral part of a child's learning and growth process. DON'T LISTEN to SMALL MINDED people! She decided I was stupid before I even started school, because my bright older brother was a serious child and I was a normal kid. Father of five-month-old who drinks and smokes excessively makes no effort to parent. I have low self esteem and an inferiority complex. Which would explain why, when I started driving, i can't help myself and end up redlining the engine on the highway. I just want her to hug me and say that she will be there for me no matter what but I know she won't because she would've said it by now. I get a 96 she gets mad at me. I'm still overcoming a whole lot, spent so many years processing, talking it all out. that saounds toxic. You have to start preparing for highschool and I am in 6th grade! I am expected to just go out in the real world and survive somehow, and nobody cares whether I sink or swim. Not just kids but teachers and teacher assistants too. No counselor/psychologist. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. i m 53 it took me so much time to understand why i m so nice to people why i lack self confidence why i maried a manipulator why i was never happy my mom was a narcissic manipulator and my father was always manipulated by her . what a life ! But this psychologist stayed long enough for me to explain what I felt was important. I remember wanting to practice when everyone else was but they all turned me away. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes. These parents contend that they own their offspring. They still came in first, they didn't need me anyways. Answer: It is called denial. Question: My parents are forcing me to attend school in my country when I know its not going to work out for me. Last report card, I got a C in math. If they do not receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve what they might have. It took me until my mother died to experience detachment and my awakening journey, Too many traumas due to lack of healthy parental guidance and dysfunctional interaction and minimum tlc but I focus on what I can do now and creativity is my saviour, its like i don't know my mom anymore every little thing i do comes with some type of backlash, and I'm always being compared to someone and i think to my self "but I'm not them and they are not your child". Toothache In Children: Tips That Can Help Parents Out Before They Make It To The Dentist. He should have taken this up with his wife! Also the anti depressants changed to something else but the sleep problem was so difficult I was lucky to not really notice anything else at least in the scence of the new antidepressants. Went to Mazatlan every summer for about 1 month at least everyone of those 18 yrs. i even developed anger issues and the second eldest also did too. Which is true because my sister is a great person who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to brag about. My dad works 4 am - 8pm so he is just too tired to react or support me. At-home entertainment ideas for women about to give birth, Educate your teenager about internet safety, Top ten questions for your doctor or midwife, Prenatal care - talking to your OB about pregnancy symptoms. I went to university despite her and worked in the IT sector. Answer: You have parents who are overly concerned with physical appearance. Takedown request | View complete answer on hassaanhamid.medium.com If they aren't receptive, discuss the matter with a trusted relative. Also develop self-confidence, you are a beautiful, worthy person- a child of God. I spend my entire time doing homework and sometimes i have so much that i just simply forget some pieces. Question: Why does my father point out all my flaws? my daughter is driving me crazy with her sudden attitude change, Comments and reviews on article "Overprotective parents", Why Don't my parents understand me at all time, I dont really hangout with people anymore caused its either they blow me off or never reply my texts, Suicidal thoughts/alone/forced to do good in school/Idk if I have a problem. I 've enjoyed this reading, nos I'am 60 years old, I lived difficult times when I was a child, fue this, I could not to be married, now I feel that need father's Love, I feel better when older men give me his friendchip. Many parents fail to realize this. I just want to let you know "anonymous" and "no account please" I think you are both really special and strong! I do everything my homework I go to tutoring, I even prepare to exam that is gonna be 4 years later! He obviously loves you. When children enjoy learning, they become motivated to keep on learning. I've never had money so I've never been able to take care of myself. Some apply corrective or disciplinary methods that can verge on emotional or verbal abuse which damage their children's self-esteem. Instead, parents should encourage their children to pursue their dreams and let them figure out if their dreams and goals are reachable or impossible. Most parents, unfortunately, have this mindset. i felt i wasn't loved and when i said that i was beaten for it. The thing is I don't feel like useless.I wanna fight and continue..maybe one day eveyhing will turn.I will continue AND NEVER SURRENDER!!! They feel that if their children are just like them, everything will be harmonious and stress-free. Joint counseling will get issues out in the open. Every school shooting has a reason why, and if you actually knew everything rather than what little you are told, you would probably at least understand why it happens. Parents should strive to take their own egos out of the equation and instead focus on what the child needs. Published: 12:19 EST, 25 June 2014 | Updated: 16:39 . My parents & brothers even told me I deserved to be raped & that me getting raped was 'my fault'. Not to even mention my life outside work. Answer: Your father would be classified as an overprotective parent. If anyone actually read this please just tell me what to do. It's a lot. They only care about my grades not my mental health! "We just want you to be better off and financially secure" that's a load of crap. How To Deal With Teenagers: How Bad Is Peer Pressure, And Can Parents Influence The Peer Group? My heart rips itself apart going through the thought. Dear Sick of It, If you are old enough, implement ways to move away from your father. (I am seventy-four.). This results in a child's poor self image. last bit would be that my mother wouldn't praise any of the good i did, she would be so uninterested that slowly i just stopped caring for my family's approval while also stopping what i loved doing. Comparing Children to Siblings or Other Children, Criticizing a Child's Innate Abilities, Temperament, or Characteristics, Teaching That a Child's Dreams, Aspirations, and Goals Are Impossible to Reach, Living Their Kid's Lives and Planning Their Careers, Evaluating a Child's Intellectual Capacity upon Grade Point Average, Zeroing in on So-Called Negative Characteristics. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 24, 2018: @Kelly, speak to her via telephone. I've watched my friends steal away the girl I love but can do nothing. 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In large/very large families are abused & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence are either low cost or counselling. Great person who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to about! Families are abused & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence ( she 's 92 and ca n't live much... Forcing me to explain what i felt i was n't loved and when i know its going... Helping their children are incapable of doing anything for themselves goal setting and see the different.