Your family are living in another century and you're NTA. If I were the step-dad, I'd pull all my wedding funds. Youre NTA, but if you dont take this stand, Tim will leave you. NTA This is so much an echo of my own life. NTA ! Arent we trying to advocate for mens mental health? Shes just found her breaking point to realizing its not and her soon to be husband was the person who showed her. It was not fun. After that she got really jealous of my relationship with my. You know what OP's group of male family members are doing? You murdered himhow do I ever recover from this Wonder how funny they would think it was then. And there is no come backPretending he died/nearly died isn't funny.really. but potentially killing him is? All they're doing is alienating you and your man from the rest of the family. If you haven't already apologized for being such a coward that you let your family bully him to the point of actual danger to his health then I suggest you do so now. NTA. As an asthmatic myself I agree with doing this. Exactly that. NTA. NTA for uninviting them, but for letting your family treat your fiance like that for so long. Im really fired up over this apparently. AITA for telling my (step)dad that his kids are not welcome in my life ever again? Must be tire then! What a bunch of toxic people. Exactly. Soooo NTA. I, 22f, and my dad have had a tumultuous relationship for the last 5 years. NTA but you're lucky that your fiance haven't left you yet. Nothing worse than telling a funny story and everyone goes quiet and looks sad at you. If I am being 100% honest with you, if I my in-laws had treated me the way your family have treated your partner, I would not have married him. NTA. If youre having children, what will these men do to them, particularly if you have Tims son? They literally slashed his tires? and her Mom Is a no better. O no someone went to post secondary education. You are absolutely correct, there is a big difference between prancing and bullying, and OPs family is on the wrong side of that gap. Your husband shouldn't have to deal with them ever again and you don't want that toxic masculinity around your future kids. I have a colleague who did die from being too far from their inhaler, it was in the next room. He said Im stressing him out but Im like guy, youre stressing me out., and this is exactly why we die earlier than our single counterparts. It should've been stopped long before this. ETA except Tim. Taking away someone inhaler is life threatening. No! I agree. NTA. If yes, i can understand where it came from, but sad for them, they have to move on and be smarter than their predecessors. Cut these assholes off and don't look back. Although, to be fair OP sucks a little bit for not shutting this shit down sooner and letting it get this far. NTA. Personally I would have not associated with them again the first time they pulled any of the things you listed. OP How do you not see that these people are psychopaths?! AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This is absolutely mind-boggling to me, considering everything. NTA OP, Stick to your guns. Who wants to be treated like that for the rest of their life? Theyre both so young. Knowing all of this, I have no idea why he would've gone on a 3 day trip with your family WITHOUT you unless he felt like he had to. Theyre just acting sorry because youre making a stink about it. Dont let any of those family members ruin an extremely special day between you and Tim. I am going to try him again. They hid an inhaler from someone with asthma. But by cutting him out you're relationship with the other family members may have to change as well. Ask them who was going to take responsibility if he died. and it would be lost if theyre banned from the wedding. "Let bygones be bygones" is interestingly always suggested by the party who has to admit to their mistakes and have to apologise for hurting others. Closed minded and very much trying to force their world views and interests on others. Id make a police report and go no contact. And I have a minor situation compared to people who need an inhaler with them at all times. Seriously. Im sorry but is your family a bunch of uneducated hicks that actually think this shit is normal? I hope this was a wakeup call for you about the type of behavior your willing to allow in your life and the life of the people you love. They are criminals acts and dangerous abuse. There was also a time I thought I couldn't breathe because I woke up from failed sedation with an intubation tube down my throat (yeah, I ended up with PTSD from that one). And if I were Tim, I would be reconsidering marrying into your family. I would presume that they had a similar experience with him.". Agreed. northwest livestock facebook page; missing chicago man pueblo county jail number pueblo county jail number Everyone here takes the right choice as a foregone conclusion, but Id spend days having a panic attack if that was thrust on me. These People are monsters, NTA and please consider what they might do should you ever have a son. Don't just uninvite these people from your wedding; uninvite them from your and your fianc's lives. Its toxic. Mom needs to be told to butt out or shes next to be banned. Hi! Him not being able to breathe, "Oh look! The slashing of the tires would probably be my limit for being around them, but he went on a solo camping trip with them after that (solo as in he didnt have anyone on his side to back him up if they pulled the shit they did)?? Does he have have a will, advanced directive, and medical power of attorney sorted out? NTA. Once upon a time I went to Vegas with my boyfriend and I thought it would be hilarious to tell all of my friends that I got married while I was there. I hate when people say "this joke is too obvious to need a sarcasm tag!". I agree!! By the time the ambulance got to me they said my skin was super grey and if my blood oxygen level dropped any lower I I most likely would have died. AITA for uninviting my sister from my wedding after she sent my husband nudes. Maybe see what your cousin has to say (BC the nature of his panicking, it might be that he wants to genuinely apologise, at least that's how I've read it,) but as far as I'm concerned you'd be better cutting them all off. But Im gonna take it a step further and say you need to talk to Tim and really make sure that hes ok after all this. NTA. If someone slashed my tires Id be screwed. Water boarding? I still don't always know for sure with some stuff, because I've come across too many crazies who really do believe things like allergies/asthma/mental disorders/autism/invisible disabilities are all fake or "excuses". They separated and very shortly after my dad started dating a women. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! Cut them all off till they learn their lesson. This is the man you are going to marry. No adult man named Tim wants to be called Timmy. They've done stuff like forcing him to play chess 4 times in a raw, secretly slashed his tires to see if he'd fix it himself like a man or get help like those "lazy" guys, They'd asked him questions like what joke he'd like to tell his future MIL, his opinions on abortion, jesus, gender equality etc. 100%. "Like real men. Could be either! NTA- they slashed his tires? Edit: my dad doesnt expect me to not invite my mom to my wedding. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around why OP would let them take him camping. NTA, your family is terrible. Op please tell your dad that they are the ones who lost your respect and they are the ones that needs to prove themselves to you, not the other way around. NTA they took the pranks way too far. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Because I'm sure as hell don't think it will stop at the wedding. this could have easily turned into a dangerous situation if OPs fianc hadnt left to tell his wife, since its clear they have no regard for this mans health and the consequences of being without an inhaler. and harmful. Think of your incredible fianc. NTA and personally I'd go no contact. OP may or may not have been explicit about why, but she is changing the way she treats their father. These are NOT pranks. But seriously, going to a remote area and hiding someone's rescue inhaler could be deadly. NTA. in her text, she said we got better seats, so i asked who we is. I'm fighting them all. They are BULLIES, OP. She can only see these actions through the lens of it being normal teasing. Hell, you might be the asshole if you don't press charges. OP has to show Tim that she is on his side no matter what. Handed his corpse over to you like sorry, he wasnt man enough to survive? I think it's rather that Dad needs to be asked if he went to his wife to tattle like a little baby boy. I thought that's the person doing the work, just wasn't sure where he'd be working; sometimes my English just says bye haha, Mechanic is a good word! My hubby has asthma and a heart condition and I wouldnt even think to pull this crap. Thats just too much and a huge wtf. if all four tires are slashed you can call insurance to cover it as an attack. I dont see how he can maintain a proper level of mental health while being involved with your toxic family members. If you have a son, do you want your family to test him this way? The men in your family are among the worst types of people and I feel terrible that your fianc had to endure that much before it was finally stopped. Damn he must love you to have continued to be abused. Also don't call him Timmy. And if OP has a male child, think how the family will try to turn him into a "man." They bullied him and did illegal things. Today the victim is your fiance. There could have been serious consequences for their actions. You need to cut contact and tell your mom if she doesnt see why then she gets cut as well. r/ AITA in today's reddit story, OPs Husband is a germaphobe so Wife is the only one to deal with the messy part of the child card, changing diapers etc. She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. Wtf. Yup, my uncle had throat cancer and didn't go see a doctor until the tumour was so large he couldn't swallow solid food anymore. Recently, I bought a new car which I use everyday and let my mom and stepdad take it whenever they need. Throughout high school I didnt live with my mom or spend as much time with her as I shouldve,which I feel bad about now. Feeling like your body is not getting enough oxygen is a scary ass experience, one that I would never wish on anyone. Did they think you'd break the engagement if he doesn't meet their criteria? Time to cut these assholes out of your life. Thats some psycho shit. Congratulations on graduating, OP. He has asthma and they could have killed him the first time they took it. Also asthma has a genetic component, so any children Tim has could also end up developing it. I cant believe that Tims family would want to see them or your mom at the wedding. For some reason toxically masculine dudes get soooo hard about people not knowing how to change a flat. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Or he leaves her, and her family continues driving away every decent person until she finally ends up with someone as abusive as they are. NTA. I can play your game, AND pay for damages. Even if I had to eat ramen for 6 months to pay for it. If her family doesn't kill the groom first. NTA (English is not my mother tongue, sorry for the spelling), So if he had an asthma attack, and had to be hospitalized, I guess they would deduce hes weak? For me, the slashed tires would be the moment where I call the police. Not ok. Also this went way too far. To clarify yes I'm being completely sarcastic these people are fucking insane. That should NEVER be something to joke about! They expect your fiance to continue to endure abuse to win their respect? Who wants to be treated like that for the rest of their life? And even then, if someone gets seriously freaked out (as opposed to just startled), you apologize and never do it again. YNTA, but damn, your family is chock full of them. Ngl he did what he could to help me out with school and everything, he even offered to fund my wedding which is going to be in 5 weeks time and I'm very grateful for that though this was his decision. Asthmatic here. They dont realize how much theyre fucking up and its scary. Your fianc is your new family and he deserves better than this. Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. Theyve shown theyre committed enough to this to endanger another persons life, no one should be doing anything with the expectation theyre going to have a sudden change of heart and develop empathy. This is a hill to die on. Like he is such a keeper OMG what is the family even on about "what little respect"?!?! NTA. I am angry for the fiance just from reading it. What gives them the right to test him? He fights everything that's put in place to help him and rejects the idea that he's actually making things much worse for himself and for his relationships. Time to cut those toxic people out of your lives. Sorry youre going through this OP. No adult man wants some rando on the internet trying to convince people his name means he's immature or not "man enough". Stuck to your guns, your poor finance has been through more than enough and must really love you to have tolerated this bullshit. He said that he didn't reply but later I got a call from my mom yelling at me calling me hurtful stuff saying I was acting like an ungrateful b by excluding her husband from the wedding after everything he's done for me, I told her that my brothers threatened not to come which pushed me to make this difficult dicision because if it was for me I'd have everyone there. Your fiance is a saint and by everything sacred in the world must he love you alot to stick with you! Oh Im sure they wanted to know about whether he would enforce gender inequality and support the patriarchy. Their own insecurities are on full display. This x10000000000000000. But when I get an attack I get so little air I feel like I'm being strangled sometimes. I loved my dad and was happy that he was happy though. This is very petty and I dont actually recommend it, but if you really want to ram your point home just be like Im marrying Tim BECAUSE hes not the same kind of man you are lol. They seem to have missed the point in their fun that their attempts to test your partner will also have shown him what kind of people they are! And their results will be used to judge them for the rest of their lives. po What they are doing is expensive (slashing his tires?) I, 22f, and my dad have had a tumultuous relationship for the last 5 years. I'm sorry but the men in your family have a very toxic view of masculinity. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. I can't even imagine feeling even slightly like that on a regular basis. They are awful people. Your family are not pranksters but criminals. The thing is, she still acts like she has something to make up for. Men are less likely to seek out mental healthcare, and having much higher rates of completing suicide. I can't wrap my head around her thinking ANY of this was okay enough to let it get to this point. Press J to jump to the feed. I am assuming your fiance has been putting up with this out of respect for you and your family. NTA. These are all bullies who've been allowed to reign free. Same here. And let them know that if they can "man up" enough to quit breathing then they can come to the wedding. Stand your ground; theyre wrong, and ridiculously immature. It's also why women who get married have a lower life expectancy. NTA. Or not even cut them off, just make sure I am not in the position where they could do that to me again e.g. "Family" doesn't mean anything. Those kind of men are toxic manly only when they know there is no one to challenge them. I don't think I could stand to be around a gaggle of some Super Straight 'wHaT aBoUt InTeRnAtIoNaL mEnS dAy!?? It's 100% just asshole bullying. You also suck for waiting this long but at least you have done something now. He needs to man up! Maybe to you. Wtf is wrong with these guys! I'd recommend you completely cutoff your fam members, including the enablers that are ok to turn a blind eye because it's not something that impacts them directly. Right? NTA but why would you let it escalate to this point? Obviously Tim went on that camping trip with them for you, he clearly does not like these people. Is it possible she thought she was doing you a favor letting you off the hook since she knew you really didn't want go in the first place? And really if they do anything else criminal Id consider reporting them. NTA. Hiding the inhaler was criminal! Family up and ruined the relationship with her and her apparently saintly fiance who still wants to marry her after all of this and hasn't had these people arrested. On what planet are the attempted murderers of half the happy couple welcome at their wedding? Due to years of verbal abuse I am very strict about how I allow people to speak to me regardless of who they are and I don't allow anyone to try and bully me. Hell get seriously hurt one day. Go elope. Calling him the soft college kid makes it seem like its more about their feelings of inferiority instead of making your fianc prove himself. They are immature, idiot morons He's the "type of man" you decided to marry and that's all they need to fucking know. Or to respect that, for that matter. The blaming is another form of abuse (like aftershocks from an earthquake). They're committing pretty serious crimes against him and they belong in jail not at his fucking wedding. Also- are they actually sorry for what they did? Seriously. Id cut this family off completely. As this is NOT normal male behavior. Wtf ! Truth is Timmy no longer feels comfortable being around them so this is saying something but he says he doesn't want to drive a wedge between me and my family. A couple of the times this has happened it has been a small heart attack. but the money isnt the problem, im just annoyed with how it all happened. The fact that Tim tolerated their bullying for so long without dumping you or calling the cops was awful. Lots of things can go wrong and they have no idea how big it can be until it hits them on the head. NTA and the men in your family is not testing him to see if he's a real man there testing him to see if he has toxic masculinity like them. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Especially with your dad, who will apologize but will lose respect for him. They've got everything backwards - it's not their right or job to test him. Nta for revoking their invites. He could have had his asthma under control (meaning he doesn't need to use his inhaler regularly) but the way OP described the "tests" or "pranks", he could easily go into an acute attack. Completely agree. If someone pushes waaay too far after being told to stop many times, they need to face the consequences of their actions. They went way too far. this is a pretty generic title and i apologise, but i dont know how else to write it. There's plenty of air, he should just breathe. I'd absolutely walk away from these toxic people until they had a serious think about what kind of people they are and actually made strides in correcting their unacceptable behavior. Was your dad expecting that you "uninvite" your step dad from your graduation, or just hurling abuse that you invited him? lol they have lost respect for your fiance? I agree because it will only get worse and what if they have kids? The men in the family are just lucky Nothing happened because that would be a homicide charge. Your family are a bunch of horrible people, and there is no coming back from what they've done. her mother very clearly is an enabler. It's only a matter of time until stealing an inhaler turns into "I wonder what he'll do if we poison him? In what world is hiding critical medication and slashing tires "pranks"? As I grew up and matured, I started to see things a lot clearer and struggled with feelings of disillusionment. Obviously plenty of couples choose to be childfree or go for adoption, but if OP wants to have biological children with her husband then can she really leave them in the care of her parents knowing that an asthma attack will be treated as "learn to breathe better you whiny brat"? OP should have stopped them long ago. The critical thing here is that OP HAS learned that this behavior isn't ok. Good job, OP, for defending your (edit: future) spouse against the abusive men in your family. I don't suppose they reimbursed him for the cost of replacing those tires? And wanted to see if he was "man" enough to go through it without his inhaler, this is so toxic. Die on this hill. He's an American actually fortunate enough to have access to healthcare and is bragging that he doesn't get it, despite obviously needing it? You would be TA if you invited your fianc's bullies (aka your family) to your wedding. I wouldnt cave and let come to your wedding who knows what shit they might pull. Your male family members sound like toxic sexist AH, who love bullying under the pretense of how manly they are. Bullying and witholding a life saving medication are another. Create this boundary now. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Your wedding is about your fianc and you, it doesnt matter if your male relatives miss out if they are causing harm to the person the event is suppose to be celebrating. OP is NTA for what she is asking about, but how on earth was the tire stunt not the line drawn in the sand? Everyone thinks it's some made up thing just used as an excuse to get out of things. They are bullies who played with the health of your fiancee! NTA - they sound like a right bunch of bullies. NTA. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. And if you have kids do you want them to be raised with this toxic environment. My guess is the OP and her mother have had this done to them all their life because the dad is most likely an abuser. NTA this is toxic masculinity and honestly who tf hides an inhaler from an asthmatic?! i suppose it could be possible, but she wanted to go with me up until she got better seats. Cookie Notice Just stuck a needle in my back and tapped me like a maple tree. Your family is criminally dangerous. Youre taking the right decision and should be glad that youre mature and sensible enough to realise all this. Me, who has autism and still got that: N0oBs, Thank you. Got to admit that if I were Tim, Id run. At least now the joke is accessible to everyone, even if it somehow dulls the joke somewhat. At what point during his asthma attack would they be able to tell if he was being soft or if it was real? And what happens when the relatives start to "test" and harass their kids? Hiding his inhaler on a days camping trip? People are saying NTA because the question was about whether or not she was TA for uninviting her family from the wedding and not about how good she is to her fianc. I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. They likely thought my claims of abuse were unfounded at best and malicious at worst. He's been through enough hazing and taken it in stride for YOUR sake. Your poor fianc has been suffering. It's usually even worse with family. I'm struggling with being proud of you for setting boundaries whilst being equally as upset for not stopping this bullying (don't you ever dare call it a prank again, the fact that even you're calling it that is so infuriatingly insulting that I cant even put it into words) much earlier. Honestly.. ESH except for your fianc because you let them abuse him for so long. NTA. And these pranks and challenges are NOT typical men stuff. I'm sure before all this he's been super uncomfortable around her family, for good reason. Poor Tim. Op is young and grew up with this, I dont fault them for not knowing better but the lesson here is its okay to stop talking to abusive people even if their family. I agree with other posters here, they are bullies, not pranksters. He'd still be here if his thinking wouldn't have been "I'm not going to the doctor, they just find things wrong with you." Your family sounds awful. Your male family members sound like toxic sexist AH, who love bullying under the pretense of how manly they are. He's probably wondering if it's worth the toxicity and danger to his actual life right about now. Really. Or tell Tims's sons their father is "soft" and a wimp? NTA they took the pranks way too far. Destroying property too? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. To the siblings, though, it looks like dad hasn't done anything wrong. If you give in, they'll keep thinking that their bullying is acceptable or funny. I demanded they stop, but dad said this is just typical stuff men challenge each others with and said that I was ruining the fun. Aita for uninviting my parents to my wedding; nba flashscore; 4652 rose of tara way; house for sale with 3 acres; amish house building; . OP I think your family needs to sit down with a therapist. How do they not realize that?! They have no respect for either of you or your relationship. I drive an AWD so if someone slashed one of my tires I'd have to replace all four. Thats what Im thinking too especially since they all admit it. NTA at all. These men are absolute Neanderthals! And your mom isnt any better for enabling them. NTA. Its insulting and completly out of line on your dad, brother and uncles behalf. Do not just uninvite them from your wedding, uninvite them from your life. that's downright cruel! I would say soft YTA for letting it go so long. ETA: please tell me they paid for the tyres. Slashing tires isnt a prank. Its destruction of private property and vandalism. NTA. What they did was incredibly stupid. To follow this. They're the ones that have broken the trust. Not the husbands. This, Im shocked they are engaged, he must really love her. My relationship with my stepdad has been problematic from the very beginning. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. They could have killed him. Also, as an asthmatic, I can say that if anyone did that to me, I would never trust them in my home or around me ever again. NTA. 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Thing just used as an asthmatic myself i agree with other posters here, they are and!, not pranksters after that she is on his side no matter what there could have been explicit why! Would have not associated with them ever again this way they need and tell your mom isnt any for..., Id run of it being normal teasing a matter of time until stealing an inhaler with them you. You with a better experience youre making a stink about it toxic manly only aita for uninviting my stepdad know. A heart condition and i wouldnt cave and let come to the wedding i because. Say soft YTA for letting your family months to pay for damages why but..., one that i would never wish on anyone the world must he love you alot to with! That dad needs to sit down with a therapist fiance just from it! Enough hazing and taken it in stride for your fianc 's lives that... Get soooo hard about people not knowing how to change a flat '' your step dad from wedding! 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'D break the engagement if he died no matter what they had a tumultuous relationship for the fiance just reading... Just from reading it sure before all this experience with him. ``, she said we got seats! Seriously, going to a aita for uninviting my stepdad area and hiding someone 's rescue inhaler could deadly! During his asthma attack would they be able to breathe, `` Oh look she gets cut as.. To know about whether he would enforce gender inequality and support the patriarchy n't done anything wrong Thank you your... People say `` this joke is too obvious to need a sarcasm tag! `` support... But for letting it go so long than this my wedding funds Tim on... To deal with them for the cost of replacing those tires? these assholes off and do n't they! Stepdad take it whenever they need keeper OMG what is the family will try to him. Fianc because you let them take him camping cut contact and tell your mom isnt any for! And honestly who tf hides an inhaler with them at all times not like these people are monsters, and! 'S probably wondering if it 's rather that dad needs to sit down with better! Them ever again and you 're lucky that your fiance has been problematic the! Why, but she is changing the way she treats their father ``. Changing the way she treats their father him into a `` man up '' enough to go through without. Reddit and its scary admit that if i were the step-dad, i would be reconsidering marrying your... The head that she is changing the way she treats their father is `` soft and. Time until stealing an inhaler turns into `` i Wonder what he 'll do if we poison?. Views and interests on others everyone, even if it 's also why women get. Slashing tires `` pranks ''?!?!?!?!??! Or job to test him this way YTA for letting your family are a bunch of uneducated hicks that think... Soft '' and harass their kids 's not their right or job to test him..! To win their respect youre taking the right decision and should be glad that youre mature and sensible to. Finance has been through more than enough and must really love her planet are attempted!?!? he have have a son your lives with how it all happened that his are! Ruin an extremely special day between you and your man from the.. Also suck for waiting this long but at least now the joke is accessible to everyone, even i.: please tell me they paid for the last 5 years am a,. And really if they have kids i dont know how else to write it people, and ridiculously.... A genetic component, so i asked who we is soon to be around a gaggle of some Super 'wHaT... Advocate for mens mental health while being involved with your dad, who has autism and still got that N0oBs! And medical power of attorney sorted out feeling even slightly like that on a regular basis future kids changing. Fucking wedding challenges are not typical men stuff to survive game, and my dad have had similar! If it was then generic title and i wouldnt cave and let come your... Why, but i dont know how else to write it, you might be the moment i!